A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Still dying that you shit outside
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
