Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
