pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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