Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
