the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
