She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I have already put on my inside pants.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
