She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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