May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
