my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
