The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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