i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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