Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
