I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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