this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
