I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
is wine microwaveable?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
