Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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