I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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