Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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