I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
