oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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