T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
where are my eyebrows?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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