apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
