I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
