how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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