they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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