When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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