Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
