my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
