i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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