i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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