two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
