All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
