I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
