Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I need to stop coming to work sober
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
