just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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