Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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