i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
