Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Why are your pants in the freezer?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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