I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
