If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
