Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
