Sry I called you an 8
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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