Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
