Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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