so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
