were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He has the fingertips of a God
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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