if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
