I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
