the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
