But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
