im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
