I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
